AM I REALLY A PASTOR

Dan & Leona at Silver Star Mountain

Winter 1968 / 1969

This posting has been in the making for a couple of weeks.  I debated whether or not I should share it.  The more I thought about it, the more I was inclined to include the same.  I've done so to show that there have been down times in this pastoral journey and times of confusion as well as the uplifting and encouraging experiences.  The road ahead is not always crystal clear.  However, I trust that I have learned from my experiences of the winter of 1968 / 1969.  I am certain that had I known then, what I know today, the decisions would have been different.  I pray that what I share may be of help to you, Zack, as well as others who may read this. 

During my last year in Vernon, different things happened that got me wondering whether I really belonged in pastoral ministry.  As I think back on those years, now almost fifty years ago, the proverbial last straw that caused a change of ministry was a visit with one couple. 

One night in October 1968, there was a knock at our door.  At the door was a couple, who were relatively new to the church.  The husband had moved to Vernon in early July to begin a new job.  His wife and children arrived in Vernon the end of August, just before the start of school.  Leona and I had the husband over for a meal during the summer.  Others in the church had befriended him with either a meal or coffee.  After his family had joined him, they too had been invited to some of the church family homes.

That October evening at our house, they spoke their mind and told us that the Vernon Alliance Church was the most unfriendly church that they had ever attended.  Wow!  We were totally unprepared for such an earful.  What were they expecting?  In my opinion Vernon Alliance Church was a very friendly church.  In fact the next night, Leona and I visited another new couple that had arrived in Vernon in the summer of 1968.  I asked them what they thought of our church.  Their response: "It is the friendliest church we've ever been in."  I wish that I could say that the second couple's comment would have erased the conversation of the previous night, but it didn't.  Somehow or other the negatives often outweigh the positives.

I had been in ministry for ten years and had never ever experienced anything like that, nor was I forewarned to expect something like that.  I began to take it personally.  If I had talked with the District Superintendent, he would probably have offered me another church.  I didn't want another church.  I was very happy in Vernon.  However, that visit with that couple who said the Vernon church was unfriendly made me wonder, am I really a pastor.  After all I did not plan on being a pastor.  My goal was to be a missionary, but that door was closed, as you read in a previous post.  I ended up being a pastor.  I began to think more about the fact that maybe some type of Christian ministry, other than pastoral ministry, was where I should look.  I wanted to serve the Lord, but maybe it wasn't as a pastor.

One morning, in January 1969, when the Janz Quartet was ministering in Vernon, I was in the car with Leo and Hildor Janz.  I figured these fellows were neutral, so I shared my thoughts and feelings with them.  Immediately after opening up to them, Leo responded by saying that a new position was in the making with the Janz Brothers Gospel Association.  In fact, Leo said that on their way to Vernon the quartet had talked about me as being a potential for their new area of ministry.  They were looking for an individual that would represent their ministry in Canada, particularly Western Canada.  They needed a person that would be in charge of their Canadian office in Calgary, that would visit donors and represent the mission at Bible Colleges and conferences.  Their most pressing and immediate need was to give oversight to the planning and showing of Downbeat, an evangelistic film which they had just produced, similar to the Billy Graham films of the day.  They were initially only looking for a person to serve with them for one year.  After the one year, they would evaluate the future of such a position.  The one year was crucial as they had exclusive rights to the showing of Downbeat for that first year.  Thereafter the film would be available for rent.

A couple of months later, I spent a day or two in meetings with the Janz Brothers in Calgary.  I eventually submitted my resignation to the Vernon Alliance Church in May, effective July 15th.  I figured that since it was only a one year commitment that I might find out whether the pastoral ministry was where I belonged or if I should pursue another form of Christian ministry.  When one of my pastor friends in the Okanagan heard of my resignation, he said, "Dan, why are you leaving Vernon?  You don't have any problems."  That was true.  The church seemed to be doing well, but I was feeling that I must be in the wrong place.  Am I really a pastor?

A night or so before our departure from Vernon, I went for a ride around Vernon.  Inwardly I was crying.  I was asking myself, why did I resign?  Now that I was about to leave, I didn't want to leave.  Prior to that ride that night I had come to the conclusion that if the church board had asked me at any time to reconsider and stay on as their pastor, I would have immediately cancelled my commitment to the Janz Brothers Gospel Association. If the board would have asked me to reconsider that may have been a confirmation that maybe I was a pastor.  No board member ever asked.  I shared this with one of the board members several years later.  He said words to the effect that since I had told them that God was leading me, they did not want to interfere with God's will for my life.  So with mixed feelings we moved to Calgary July 16th..

Let me conclude this post with a smile. On the Saturday, prior to the announcement re our resignation, I took Dan Jr., who was seven years old at the time, for a little walk.  I figured he was old enough to keep a secret.  I told him that on Sunday an announcement would be read that we were moving to Calgary.  I didn't want him to be shocked.  I also asked him to keep it a secret.  He promised that he would.  I found out later that when we got to church the next day that he saw the wife of one of our board members, which was fortunate, for she probably knew, and he told her, "We're moving, but I can't tell you where."  He kept it a secret, thinking Calgary was the secret.

Saying our good-byes